Dear Family,
Thank you so much for the outpouring of support yesterday.
Thank you for the many kind and loving notes.
Thank you to the 9 of you who became paying supporters of my work — this means the world to me.
It’s hard to express the delicate way in which it touched my heart to see people financially support my writing and art.
I made a decent chunk of money on the Internet over the last 7 years, maybe ~$250k or so, and most of that came from selling courses, group containers, 1:1 mentorship, and retreats.
I’ve never made much directly from my writing, art, and music, and it’s really a different sort of feeling.
These latter vocations are so close to my soul, so dear to me, so sacred.
(My teaching / space-holding work is also dear and sacred to me, but I guess I’m more used to receiving compensation for that work.)
It’s almost scary to receive money for them—perhaps a fear that the money will somehow distort them, or pressure me to take the work in a less-true direction.
It also feels great, though. It feels beautiful, inspiring, uplifting, expansive.
It feels healing—to be seen and rewarded for these gifts of mine that I’ve long shared prolifically.
And it’s truly helpful right now. So again: Thank you so much.
Wild Letters From the Heart
I want to write more in the style of the wildly honest, spontaneous letter from the Heart.
Wherein I just start writing and don’t actually know what I’m going to say.
That’s what I’ve done so far in this post.
I just want to open my proverbial mouth and see what comes out — as if sitting in a men’s circle.
In my work with men, this is the instruction:
Don’t premeditate what you’re going to say. Just open your mouth and see what wishes to flow forth spontaneously from your Heart. Let the precise truth of what is really Alive on your Heart in this moment, flow forth.
This is what we’ll be doing in Brothers of the Ever Innocent Heart. It’s a profoundly powerful and medicinal practice — to simply speak the spontaneous and unedited truth of your being.
Curiosity and Honesty
As I shared yesterday, I’m in the midst of a massive process right now—one that’s been going on for months.
I’m really curious about what’s going on with me.
Super curious where all this is going to lead.
I had a feeling today that this is a really deep death and rebirth — a gargantuan humbling and heart-opening smackdown that Life knew I needed.
So curious to see where it all leads…
It does feel like a weight was lifted yesterday, simply by being extremely honest about the reality of my situation—something I had felt unable to do for some months prior to this.
One woman reached out and told me that reading yesterday’s post gave her chills, made her cry, and inspired her with the strength to be honest with herself and the people around her, on a new level.
I felt deeply touched by this. I am astonished by the power of honest words. The power of simply speaking truth.
“Don’t tell lies,” Jordan Peterson—honorary Grandfather of the Internet Generation—often says.
I’m struck by how incredibly simple yet profound this wisdom is — and how difficult it is to really do, all the way through.
I’m reminded of a couple quotes:
“The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love.”
— Dostoevsky
And this one in particular reminds me of the trap of believing your own hype as any sort of (online) ‘guru figure’ in the transformation industry:
“When the pope sits on the chamber pot to shit, does he believe in his own infallibility? Does not every imposter occasionally recognize his own hairy, homely humanity? Perhaps not; worn long enough, sometimes the Mask of Authority becomes the man. Even looking in a mirror, he will see the sacred Mask and not his own ordinary human face.”
— Robert Anton Wilson
Ahhhhh…
Dostoevsky and RAW — now that’s good medicine.
Words, man. The power of words. How I love and adore tenacious prose and poetry.
Wrapping Up
I believe that’s all from me for now.
Thank you for existing.
One Love.
Talk Soon,
J