You’ll notice only ~50% of this essay is publicly available. The full essay is available only to paid subscribers for now, as I am campaigning to generate financial support for my writing. If you love my work, consider becoming a paid subscriber.
[If you love my work and can’t afford $7/month, let me know, I’ll gift you a paid subscription.]
Men: Brothers of the Ever Innocent Heart begins in a few weeks. Apply before the end of this month if you feel called to this healing and empowering Brotherhood journey.
[Essay begins below this point.]
I Don't Want Maximum Enlightenment
Note: What follows is quite a personal piece of writing that I wrote a few days ago. Some of what I wrote here was, perhaps, an expression of egoic resistance to my path and truth. Nonetheless, I believe some truly valuable insights came through in this piece, a lot of what I wrote feels deeply true to me, and I believe the words provide a valuable look inside my psyche and personal process around the work I do / the path I am on.
"Become what you are."
— Nietzsche
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to change you is the greatest accomplishment.”
— Ralph Waldo Emerson
Above all: Be who you are.
Following some preconceived "path of enlightenment" is only valuable if that's what is really *true* for *you*.
Be radically honest: Is enlightenment really your top priority?
If not, that's perfectly okay, but be honest. If you are not honest about your true values and priorities, you may find yourself becoming a "phony holy" spiritualist supposedly on the "path of awakening," when in truth you'd rather just go be a carpenter or porn star or poet.
What are you doing this for?
Is knowing Truth really the single-pointed, all-consuming desire of your heart?
If not, you're not likely to get far.
Are you sure you're not doing this because on some level you feel it's what you 'should' do? The most 'noble' path? The way to finally be a truly 'good' Catholic schoolboy? The way to finally find the love and approval you didn't receive as a child?
Be radically honest.
For myself, I have long burned for Truth, and in my view, I found it. I experience it directly and can tap into it most any time I like. Sometimes my mind-created suffering is too strong and I lose touch with It. But on a deep level, I know It's always there. My ego likes to feel this makes me special, but it doesn't. Truth is the only thing that exists and the only thing we actually ever experience.
So, in one sense, I am "awake." On another level, I have seen enough to know that awakening is unending. Infinite Intelligence has no finish line. The God-Mystery awakens to more of itself in every moment, for all eternity. Even the Absolute Source beyond all time/space has infinite depths/layers, and never solves its own final secret. It remains a Mystery even to itself.
An interesting realization I had last night is that I am not sure maximally awakening to Truth—which would likely involve allowing my personality to be literally consumed by the Fires of Truth—is what Jordan Bates truly wants, right now. I believe I've fallen somewhat into a trap of assuming by default that because my essence is God-Mystery, my highest calling is of course to become an ever clearer / purer / more totally-surrendered channel of the Love and Grace of the One God-Mystery.
I'm not sure I actually want that right now.
There are endless lifetimes to attend to that. JB is kinda tired of endless God-Surrender. He more so just wants to be JB. And above all JB is just JB. He's a spontaneous wild card.
Some days he's fucking around and partying and having adventures, some days he's channeling a crazy treatise or an absurd rap album or MC'ing some kind of soul-nourishing gathering, some days he's mostly lounging around with his daughter and wife-to-be. He's chillin'. He's doing his thing. He likes sex and silliness and ejaculating his inspirations out into the world. He likes money, sometimes he has a fair bit of it, sometimes he's broke. Sometimes he's accessing subtle states of God-realization, sometimes he's downing five beers before 4pm and wandering aimlessly through the city. Sometimes he's elated and on fire, sometimes he's bogged down in a pit of hellish suffering. He just is. He is as he is. He plays. He dances the jig only he can dance. That's what JB does.
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to Lion Heart Leadership — by Jordan Bates to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.