I Hereby Commit to 1 Year Without Alcohol

Time for a deep cleanse.

I got really drunk last night.

Drunker than I’ve been in years.

I was at a concert with friends.

The craft beer snuck up on me.

I blacked out.

I vomited in the sauna this morning.

I felt dreadful for hours.

This is not a common experience for me at this stage of my life. My relationship with alcohol has improved dramatically over the years—especially since 2018 when I started working with ayahuasca—but today it became clear to me that I want to do a deeper cleanse.

I recently took a 50-day break from alcohol, and that was powerful, but these past few weeks in my Iowa hometown lured me back into an old pattern of weekend drinking.

Back in my college days, I lived in a fraternity party house for a couple years (~2011-2013) and got super drunk all the time, probably blacking out 100+ times.

Today’s hangover was like a flashback to those times, and I didn’t enjoy the feeling of being poisoned.

But, there was a gift hidden in that swamp.

The gift of clarity and newfound strength.

I realized that on some level alcohol still has its hooks in me, and I am tired of letting it have undue influence in my life. Even having 1-2 drinks once or twice per week no longer sits truly well with me. I notice subtle negative effects and I’m sure there are subtler effects I don’t notice. I don’t want my daughter to grow up around a version of me who regularly drinks alcohol.

So, it’s time for a deeper cleanse and reset in my relationship with “the devil’s cider.”

As soon as I made the commitment to do a 1-year fast from alcohol today, I immediately started feeling a deep sense of strength and clarity. Unexpectedly, I also felt a great sense of heart-opening, and I was brought to tears several times throughout the day as I felt a Bonfire of Love roaring in my heart. To me that Love in our heart of hearts, is God. I have rarely felt such a pure Love, and it seemed like an affirmation from God that I am making an auspicious choice that will take me further on the path of giving my life over to God and Love and showing up fully for my family, myself, my friends, my communities, and my world.

I look forward to seeing where this journey takes me.

With Love,
J