Raw Reflections: A Disclaimer, A Love Letter
😅 Phew, damn, hahah, wow, uhhhhh...
Damn, fam, wow, hahah, uhh… 😅
If you’ve been following along on here, you know it’s been a wild few days…
Shit got even weirder if you were following along on Twitter / Telegram hahah…
I’m not exactly sure what’s going on… maybe some of you have theories you can share with me?
Basically a few days ago it felt like a “dam burst” somewhere deep in my system.
Felt like being plugged into a sparking electric socket of pure primal, raw, primordial, sexual, explosive energy.
I hadn’t taken any psychedelics in several weeks, so it wasn’t directly catalyzed by anything like that (though I’m sure my Bufo / 5-MeO initiation in recent months is a strong factor).
It seems connected to emerging from my Covid underworld-descent-rebirth journey and also being on this ridiculously charged-up volcanic island literally in the middle of the ocean. A literal fucking brief-but-house-jolting EARTHQUAKE happened a couple days ago right around the time I was feeling peak energy…
It also feels definitively connected to being part of Dane Tomas’ 5-week Obsidian container right now, wherein we’re working with sex magick and deep shadow work. In fact it was during/after one of our digital group magick sessions last weekend that I started feeling something explosive and dragon-like begin to erupt to the surface…
And it also feels distinctly connected to consciously choosing to spend a few days away from Tanja and Lila for the first time since Lila was born almost 8 months ago. Like certain energies that don’t have space to emerge in the context of fatherhood and family life are seizing this opportunity to “exercise” / “exorcize.”
I’ve been reading about “Kundalini awakening” in recent months, and there seem to be some distinct overlaps there. I feel like 2018, when I first met ayahuasca, was the time when I first began experiencing intense “Kundalini awakening”-type energy releases. Maybe this is still an ongoing unfoldment of that same process. On another level all of life is an unfoldment of one process.
Presently I’ve managed to ground down somewhat. Eating meat, fish, drinking beer, bare feet on Earth, and taking showers seems to help. Let me know if you have other tips for grounding / reconnecting to Earth / reconnecting to my human self / returning deeply to my body.
I know I’ve shared some extremely intense and controversial things the past few days. In part this is a large purge—a kind of fire-breathing-dragon-type eruption of flames that had been trapped for too long.
Sometimes I question if I’ve taken my own principle of “Open Source Your Process” too far. I wonder if sharing this transparently on the Internet is really for the best.
Yet, when I reflect on what I’d like to see in the world, I truly wish everyone were way more transparent on the Internet and in life in general. I wish people would say what they really feel and share the raw, real shit that is really going on for everyone. This is where the juice is. This is the real, alive, intense, messy shit that this gorgeous human experience consists of. This is also a practice that has completely changed/shaped my life: Simply writing and speaking my truth. Try it, it’s immeasurably life-altering, as good ol’ blessed archetypal-grandfather-king-ape Jordan B. Peterson loves to remind us.
It’s also just art, man. I fucking love art. I see everything I do as art. Life, business, relationships, content-creation, everything. I am an artist at heart, and it is all art. So when I’m feeling intense crazy fucking energy, my first instinct is like, “Yooo, I gotta channel this into something. This is going to be fucking gonzo-bonkers-EPIC.”
So when I reflect, I’m like yeah, nah, actually, I’m damn glad I’m sharing myself in this way. It’s not always easy. You might be stunned if you saw the countless hateful messages I’ve received over the years. A fair chunk of people hate my guts and think I’m an insane demonically-possessed cult leader or psychopath, etc. etc. And maybe on some level I am, and maybe that’s okay. ; )
Really, though… maybe all of life, all parts of us, are okay. My view is that there is nothing in any human being that is not also in me. I quite literally see all lifetimes as my own lifetimes, all beings as other faces/expressions of me. My view is that we are all the All and we will live every single lifetime. This is the true meaning of karma: What you do to another, you do to your own self. You reap what you sow. You will have to live that lifetime too. This is why the heart’s message of Love is actually the only rational/pragmatic approach: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Empower yourself and others to live the most beautiful lives possible.
It’s really the only thing that makes sense. And the only reason we don’t do it is because we’ve forgotten that it’s all Us. It’s all you. Every single being, every single animal, every single plant, every single star, every single broken-hearted and lonely and desperate being out there. When you start to see this, compassion is inevitable.
A Disclaimer & Love Note
So… I’m happy that I share the way I do…
BUT…
I sense that it’s also time to share a disclaimer here—something I probably should have done a long time ago.
I want to say that if you are in a sensitive place and the messages I’m sharing feel really intense and triggering and your heart is telling you to unsubscribe/unfollow for a while, please, please do so.
(There’s an “unsubscribe” button at the bottom of every email I send. You’d be surprised how many people don’t realize this and email me to try to unsubscribe.)
It is not my intention to hold anyone hostage or relentlessly cross a person’s boundaries to the point of making them feel wronged in any way. Not in the slightest. I assume everyone is sovereign and free and that if my stuff is too much for someone, they will simply unsubscribe and go elsewhere. There’s a bazillion other troughs to drink from on this wide wild interwebz, after all.
But, maybe it needs to be said sometimes:
Listen to yourself. Your own heart. Above all. Always.
Don’t absorb my content if it doesn’t feel like the right stuff at the right moment for you. A lot of it is really, really intense. I have been through an insane ~12-year mystical process and sometimes I forget just how much shit I’ve actually had to go through to be able to even share the things that I do. It’s been insane. It’s really been no joke at all. I wouldn’t trade it for anything, but that doesn’t mean it’s for you. My life involves the full spectrum of the human experience, including some of the wildest shit known to man. For years I’ve been doing some of the deepest mystical (shadow) work I can imagine anyone doing.
I don’t say this to boast, I’m just trying to be clear: You might not actually want this right now. You might not be ready for it. That’s perfectly freaking beautiful, gorgeous, and okay. YOU are perfectly beautiful, gorgeous, and okay. Unspeakably so. I really can’t tell you. I love you so freaking much it makes my heart explode. Listen to this if you ever need a reminder.
You are an absolute cupcake, an absolute delicious morsel of caramel, an absolutely stunning meteor dazzling me with the glory of YOU, in all your fathomless, mysterious HUMANITY. Dear God, YOUR HUMANITY!!! It makes me want to scream and cry and weep and laugh and have a few beers with Dostoevsky and Nietzsche and just bear hug it out and wrestle and writhe and rave and moan and have explosive raging orgasms for days on end. Your humanity. Wow. WOW.
You’re perfect. End of story. You don’t have to do anything at all. Your life is already the most beautiful work of art I could possibly imagine.
(Yet don’t use that as an excuse to not make it even more beautiful if your heart and soul are telling you to do so. : ))
So yeah… again, in case I haven’t made myself clear: What I talk about is playing with fire. Quite literally stealing fire from the gods.
Psychedelics, mysticism, magick, enlightenment, non-duality, deep shadow work, activating your true power, getting radically honest about what you want and taking it, living the most epic & beautiful life imaginable to you, surrendering to God, realizing you are God (and human and everything up, down, left, right, in-between)…
Yeah, this stuff is not just words. It’s utterly paradigm-shattering, life-revolutionizing stuff. No joke at all. Many people have told me over the years that simply reading my stuff changed their life and now they’re living in another country, etc. etc. Lol. And don’t even get me started on the people who take things a step further and come to my retreats and join my (digital) containers and such: I’ve been witnessing miracles and total life-revolutions and full-blown activations for years now. This shit is real.
And it’s getting even more real. The intensity is rising. Because my power is rising. More of it is being activated, ongoingly. That’s why each successive container I create is more powerful than the last. And now that this latest activation has happened these past few days, I can feel a whole new level dropping in. Literally, this feels like one of the biggest paradigm shifts / quantum leaps / rebirths I’ve experienced, and I’ve experienced a whole hell of a lot of them. Like, this is a new octave, a new harmonic, a new order of magnitude.
So, just… be careful, kid. A lot of you are sorta like younger versions of me. And I kinda wish someone had told me exactly what I’m telling you now: It’s really no joke, what you’re getting yourself into. Like really, really, really no joke. You cannot possibly know what exactly you’re getting yourself into. You cannot know what you’re playing with, until you know. And by then, there’s no turning back. If in your heart of hearts this is what you want in *this lifetime*, nothing will be able to keep you away. But be utterly honest with yourself: Is this really for you? Are you wanting to go all the way with this?
Because once you cross certain thresholds, there’s no turning back.
The process *takes you*.
The abyss takes you.
Death takes you.
God takes you.
More Raw Honesty Because It Feels Good
Phew, I’ve gotten some chills a few times while writing this, so I know it’s good stuff, lol. Damn, honesty feels amazing.
Here’s some more honesty: I’ve been scared at times the past few days. I’ve felt fear about what is happening to me. Fear of losing control. Fear of going insane. Fear of being “bipolar.” Fear of losing my family. Last night I walked to a restaurant and I started feeling so much pressure in my head that I thought I was going to pass out. I was having a damn difficult time grounding and thank God I made it and got some meat and fish and beer in my body. Blessings to the animals that gave their lives for that delicious meal. Alpacu-sunchis — an indigenous word I typically say before eating meat that signifies, “One day I too will return to become the Earth.”
This type of stuff is par for the course. I’ve gone through some absolutely terrifying processes the past few years. Like, fuckin’ A, dawg, WOW, shit got fucking RATCHET and HECTIC at times. Like in 2019 when the shaman-goddess I was romantically involved with broke up with me right before an ayahuasca retreat and I recorded The Pain Body Freestyles and then I still went to the retreat anyway and the woman I was wildly in love with served me TALL glasses of STRONG Shipibo ayahuasca four nights in a row and things got dark as fuck and I was terrified and sobbing and vomiting for hours on end before finally breaking through into the most unimaginably beautiful God-Light and BEING nothing but that Peace-Love-Light and knowing I was that Eternal Light forevermore and knowing no one could ever hurt me unless I gave them permission…
Sometime I should write that full story, because it was absolutely fucking INSANE. Wildest weeks of my life. It was on that retreat that the name “Goku the Wizard King” came to me—I felt like I literally had to “go Super Saiyan” and remember vastly more of my true God-Power just to survive that retreat. It was also there that I met the legendary Jonathan MacCaul, who angelically held space at that time for perhaps the most volcanic eruption/clear/exorcism of my life—literal lifetimes of trapped pain and agony and sorrow and trauma screaming forth from my body as I writhed and spit and “JB” was nowhere to be found and my voice changed into a Gandalf-like old man who was shouting things like, “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!” and “YOU DO NOT KNOW WHO I AM. I AM THOTH. I AM HERMES. I AM ZARATHUSTRA. I HAVE TRAVELED INFINITE OMNIVERSES.”
Yeah… Shit got fucking multi-dimensionally WACKY, bro. Like what in the actual fuck was that. I had no idea shit like that existed, just a small-town kid from Iowa humming along in the universe then BAM, next thing you know I’m in the thick of some sort of multi-dimensional war for the soul of humanity??? And people get mad at me on the Internet for sharing a few intense WORDS??? They’re just fucking words, bitch. GTFO. Go taste some real shit and get back to me.
Ahem, apologies, got a little spicy again for a moment there.
So yeah, brothers, sisters, I hope that gives you a visceral taste of just a smidgeon of what I’ve gone through the past years. I’ve literally been traveling the world non-stop since 2013 when I moved to Asia at age 22, and JAYSUS H. CHRIST MAN, there have been some wild adventures. Maybe I should write a memoir / autobiography soon. Might be about time to record some of those stories.
In Sum…
ANYWHO, I think that’s about enough from me for now.
I’m excited about what is to come. Lotta visions coming through right now. I’ve also created some other extremely rare and raw and honest artifacts the past couple days, and I’ll probably share those on the Internet too soonish, plus maybe a couple other things I’ve created in the past that I didn’t share because they were so raw. It feels like now is a moment to “clean out my closet” and really just put it all out there. Well, maybe not ALL of it just yet. 😅 Not sure the world and I are ready for that, and I gotta keep ‘em guessin’ a little bit… ; )
Here’s another probably-triggering-for-many thing I made in the past couple days, a new song called BITCH I’M A GOD, lol, yes that happened:
Thank you for reading. Thank you for existing. I love you. I really do. You are me and I am you. Love and blessings always to you and yours.
In Heart-Led Power and Truth,
J
P.S. I have now decided to make the OUROBOROS DRAGON POWER FAM on Telegram (formerly “Ouroboros Soul Family”) a closed/private group that is accessible only by invitation or by becoming a paid subscriber here on Substack. There’s been some WILD SHIT going down in that group the past few days; I definitely went a little spazzy, lol… Become a paid subscriber here if you’d like to get access to the group with 117 of us who are there now and unlock the full experience here on Substack.
(Who chose the name “Substack,” by the way? That shit is like the lamest word I’ve ever heard. Someone tell them to dream up something that doesn’t suck and matches the epicness of their blogging platform.)
P.P.S. There’s still time to join us in BE YOU! We still have five more live Sunday sessions + likely some epic bonus sessions.
P.P.P.S. Paid subscribers aka POWER FAM, read on for a message for your eyes only, I’m gonna try to start making these bonus transmissions EXTRA JUICY / RAW / REAL / SEXY / HONEST, here we go…
Dear POWER FAM,
GOD DAMN IT’S REALLY BEEN A CRAZY AND SEXUAL FEW DAYS…
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to diary of a child soul 🐬🌈 to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.