Suffering is Not Random
A thought experiment to get radically honest about your suffering
“There are no mistakes, it is all there for you.”
So you find yourself suffering a lot…
A thought experiment you can undertake is to ask yourself:
Assuming I am creating all of this for myself, why?
Why am I doing this to myself?
What is the "existential kink" or subtle emotional payoff that I receive by creating this suffering for myself?
Is it perhaps that there is a certain sense of vindication or comfort in being a victim, and being able to point a finger at either the government or God or 'bad fortune' or my ex-wife or the universe or whatever it is?
Examine these possibilities with radical honesty.
My view is that life is not random. What appears is not random. It is a mirror reflection.
If suffering appears, on some level we are wanting it, or resonating with it, or finding a (strange) comfort or pleasure in it, or calling it in to wake us up or crack our hearts open, or generating contrast to see clearly what we don’t want so we then know what we do want, or believing it is what we deserve, or believing we are not worth more than what we are getting.
Suffering is a particularly powerful mirror.
It is not random; it is meaningful.
It is showing us exactly how we are relating to life.
Exactly where we are holding on to untrue concepts or old identities or resistances or hidden belief systems or masochistic desires…
It shows us exactly where to let go, if we wish for relief.
God—your true Self—wants you to feel good.
The truth of what you are, feels good.
Suffering is actually just You letting yourself know that you’re not seeing clearly—that you’re not aligned with the truth of what you are; that you’re in some way arguing with God.
That’s not to say that painful or ‘negative’ emotional textures will never pass through your field once you realize the truth of what you are.
They still will, though the experience of them becomes completely different. They’re no longer rigidly defined as ‘bad’ or ‘undesirable,’ and so they’re allowed to actually be the juicy, rich, un-pin-down-able flavors that they are. Seen in this way, even despair or grief or “going through hell” can take on an entirely new and even paradoxically pleasurable hue. To paraphrase Peter Brown: “Even the non-bliss is bliss.”
So…
As Churchill said, “If you’re going through hell, keep going.”
But also…
Perhaps pause and assume for a moment that you are creating all of it, and ask yourself why you would be doing that.
And, if you're ready to create something different…
Start valuing yourself more highly, believing you are worth more, getting clear on what you truly desire, and not making things harder than they have to be.
"You can make it easy, or you can make it hard."
And while you’re at it, consider looking closely and non-conceptually at painful feelings to find out what they’re actually made of. Be with them more sensitively, primordially, pre-verbally. This begins to reveal what they actually are.
Suffering is not random.
It’s a gift.
And a great teacher.
If we are open to learn.
Love,
JB
P.S. For more on the nature of suffering, read this other recent piece of mine.
P.P.S. The Astonishing Miracle of Existence Retreat will be here soon. This no-cost celebration on 1/2/22 is a gift to all sentient creatures. Join us.
Jordan Bates is befriending suffering. Join his Infinity Mentorship community on Telegram.
Love you man