the dance of knowingness & unknowingness

vulnerable heart-sharing + meditative reflections on grace

Jordan Bates

Dec 20, 2024

so i published a piece a few days ago called ‘diary of an unresolvable hurricane’

and interestingly i went through quite a process after publishing it

i like the piece a lot but

i ended up feeling quite a bit of angst around these lines that i wrote in the original version:

“i no longer believe in ‘God’
i no longer believe in ‘Christ’
i no longer believe in ‘Truth’
i no longer believe in ‘Love’
those statements aren’t really true — just a way of pointing
i still believe in Christ and Love and so forth — i just no longer believe those beliefs represent fixed or final truths”

i ended up feeling like these lines weren’t really clear — and that they might just shock or confuse people rather than clarifying anything

even though i sometimes play the role of the trickster or riddler or ‘spiritual provocateur,’ i do generally endeavor to be clear in my writing — especially about those things which are most dear to my heart

and i guess i ended up feeling kinda disturbed by my own carelessness & unskillfulness

interestingly, no one actually gave me any negative feedback on the piece — so this whole process could’ve been pure projection based on my own emotions and assumptions

but i legitimately felt anxious and afraid that my words might have hurt someone, or destabilized someone, or caused people to misunderstand me

this was fascinating to experience, as i don’t usually feel this way about art that i publish on the internet — whether writing, music, video, or otherwise

after ~12 years of prolific public creativity, i’m pretty good at just ‘putting myself out there’ — messy processes included — and trusting that people will receive from that whatever they’re meant to receive from that, with a general intent to provide something that could be freeing or useful or medicinal

but, sometimes i do still get hung up on the implications of certain creations

so i wanted to write a follow-up to hopefully bring more clarity — and frankly to help restore my own peace of mind

i do believe and i do know

i believe in God

i believe in Christ

i believe in Truth

i believe in Love

not only do i believe, i know the experiences these words refer to with incredible intimacy

these words all point to faces of Divinity

faces of the supra-personal Heart

i have wept many tears at the altar of this Heart

this Heart is experience itself here and now

right now, just as it is

and now

this supra-personal Heart can look like anything

this Heart of Life presents as an endless variety

and we know this endless variety

we do!

for we ARE THAT!

we are this seamless effulgence of pure poetry from/as the Creator’s Heart

we are most intimate with this poetry of life!

i know Christ, having met him personally and supra-personally as a pure loving presence beyond description

i know my daughter, having spent so many precious hours with both her personal and supra-personal radiance & artistry

i know God, having tasted numberless personal and supra-personal flavors of God’s flowing grace

i know Love, having felt my heart crack open to myriad personal and supra-personal flavors of boundless all-inclusive fullness

i know Truth, having noticed deeply that I AM and WE ARE the one living mystery that is actually, miraculously present here and now

i know all this intimately as the revelatory tapestry of life…

and…

i also un-know all of it

meaning i see its irrevocable quality of mystery, infinity, ever-shifting-ness

i see the way in which all of it is like an evanescent sandstorm that can never be caged within any conceptual structure or belief system

i see its pristine sky-like vastness

i see its ever-unshackled fullness

all of it is as it is

precisely as it is

yet that way that it is, can never be spoken with full accuracy

the holy word can take us a long way — bless its heart

the holy word can poetically evoke so much

yet no word can ever ultimately contain or pin down What Is

it’s too close, too direct, too slippery, too miraculous, too ordinary, too simple

the dance of knowingness & unknowingness

i wrote a poem yesterday that speaks to a deeper integration of knowingness and unknowingness. it goes like this:

i don’t need to know what you are
to know what you are
i do know you, my love
i know you most intimately
the knowingness & unknowingness
kiss & dance & make love &
climax one another into
ever-vaster flowerings of
heart-realization
heart is now
heart knows & un-knows & is
not bound by either
i love you
i love you

i also recorded this video where i read the poem and expressed what it means to me:

i am happy to have written this poem and made this video

i felt i was able to offer a more sacred and full expression of my heart’s truth

a truth that includes both the knowing & the unknowing — and the unsayable space that holds both of them

it is such a juicy paradox

how on one hand we are floating in/as pure mystery, having not the faintest clue about anything

and yet simultaneously being so unspeakably familiar with this mystery — being this mystery, tasting this mystery, knowing this mystery in countless ways

this unknowing knowingness is grace

grace is my heart

grace fully includes the knowing & the unknowing & is not bound by either

grace points toward what is always beyond & always
closer than close

allowing both knowingness & unknowingness,
yet fixating neither knowingness nor unknowingness,
we discover heart’s simple rest

allowing both duality & nonduality,
yet fixating neither duality nor nonduality,
we discover heart’s simple rest

allowing both form & emptiness,
yet fixating neither form nor emptiness,
we discover heart’s simple rest

thank you for considering these words

i appreciate you and wish you peace, my friend

may your days be filled with gladness, thanksgiving, & child-like buoyancy

God bless you and your loved ones

take care

love,
jordan

Heart of God ❤️‍🔥

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