What I Don't Want You to Know About Me

Some things that are hard for me to admit to myself, about myself

Written a few days ago during an emotional purge after confronting my own shadow for the ~1,000,000th time.

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I am arrogant

I am judgmental

I have a massive ego

I prop myself up in artificial ways

I easily slip into putting myself above others

Making myself special

I easily slip into “teaching” mode and try to play the wise all-seeing guru

I easily slip into self-degradation or self-inflation, often struggling to stay in the simple truth of the heart 

I often mistake insight for actual embodiment 

I try to take the easy way and leap to the finish line

I am scared I’ll never get there and never be enough

It exasperates and saddens me to continuously uncover how full of shit I am

I’m a cub, a child, I know nothing

I often make mistakes

I say clumsy things 

I’m too hard on myself

I try and try and sometimes it feels like it’s never enough 

I’m frustrated by how hard it is to simply get out of my way and be a humble, heart-centered servant of God and Love

Often I’m not able to do that

I’m frustrated by how deep the rabbit hole goes

Always more layers, always more work to do

Just when I think I’ve arrived somewhere, I get freshly slapped in the face by karma

I am blinded by my own pride

…

I keep going though

That’s what I can say about me

I don’t stop

I keep doing the work

I leave no stone unturned 

In search of the truth of what I am

And I never stop striving to live that truth

Even when it’s scary

That’s me

I love you, JB

Don’t beat yourself up, kid

You’ve come far

Many miles yet to go, sure

Enjoy the ride

Blessings,
J

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P.S. I'm excited to be co-facilitating a Sacred Sound Healing & Cacao Ceremony with my dear brother Cory “CoryaYo” Altenhofen this Saturday, January 7th, 4:00 - 6:00pm — in Spirit Lake, Iowa at The Studio Yoga & Barre ✨

It feels truly meaningful to be doing some healing work and sharing the Love near my hometown. Cory and I have been cultivating some beautiful energy together in recent years and have developed a wonderful synergy as space-holders. We'll definitely be creating something special, nurturing, healing, and rejuvenating for all of you — hope to see you there if you're in Iowa. Here's our bio for the event:

"Cory “CoryaYo” Altenhofen and Jordan Bates are a dynamic sound healing duo from Iowa. As spiritual healers, space-holders, artists, music-makers, rappers, and leaders, these two young men bring a calming yet empowering energy to their vocational work.

Their deep trust and love of God and Life centers them in the heart, allowing them to hold truly medicinal, restorative spaces. Integrating sacred sound healing, breathwork, meditation, heart-opening cacao, and other modalities, their ceremonial work has been praised by shamans, artists, healers, brothers, and sisters from around the world."

You can get tickets at the door or via the 'Mindbody' app

Love,
JB