20 Ways Men's Work Changed My Life
Exploring the powerful medicine of Men's Work
Announcement: Brothers of the Ever Innocent Heart—the men’s group I founded last year—is still going strong after ~7 months. It has become a powerful and nourishing space for men to experience ongoing healing, growth, integration, accountability, camaraderie, and to collectively discover what mature masculinity looks like in 2023. The original brotherhood circle is nearly full, so I am starting a second weekly circle beginning April 11th. Monthly financial contribution is on a sliding scale of $111-222/month—additional assistance is possible if a man feels a strong calling. You can read more about the brotherhood and apply here, or just go ahead and book a free heart-to-heart exploration call with me here:
In 2023, many observers assert that we are in the midst of a ‘crisis of masculinity.’
Men are taking their own lives ~1.7x as often as women.
Huge numbers of men feel lost, confused, and uncertain of their role or value in a rapidly changing world.
Meanwhile, in the past several decades, the (mythopoetic) men’s movement has gradually risen to prominence.
The term ‘Men’s Work’ has nearly become a household phrase.
Countless men have been deeply impacted by the cultural resurgence of Men’s Circles & Men’s Work, and many of them will tell you that this work changed or saved their lives.
Why?
What makes Men’s Work so powerful and life-changing for so many men, at this moment in history?
In this post, I’ll attempt to answer this question, by speaking about 20 benefits I’ve personally experienced through this work.
I’ll start with a short summary of my history with Men’s Work, then I’ll attempt to elucidate why Men’s Work is so powerful for so many men.
Let’s get into it.
My History With Men’s Work
Men’s Work is powerful medicine.
I know this now.
After years of doing this work, I feel it in my bones.
I had a few scattered experiences with Men’s Work in my early- and mid-20s.
It was in 2020, though, at age 29, that I answered the call to dive much deeper into this work.
Since that time, Men’s Work has been a near-continuous current in my life. Here’s a concise timeline:
2020-2021: I passed through a profound ~16-month men’s rite of passage in Jiro Taylor’s Shambhala Warrior program.
2021-2022: I led a 2-month men’s journey of my own, with ~25 men, called The Sovereign Man.
2022: I completed Jonathan MacCaul’s potent 2-month Spiritus initiation for men.
2022: I completed Aleksander Brankov’s 2-month Coronation journey, an initiation for men focusing on the major masculine archetypes.
2022: I led my first two in-person men’s retreats in Azores, Portugal and Yucatan, Mexico.
2022-2023: I joined ARKA Brotherhood ~8 months ago and am ongoingly part of a powerful weekly men’s circle there—one that has majorly impacted my life.
2022-2023: ~7 months ago, I founded Brothers of the Ever Innocent Heart—a brotherhood & weekly men’s circle for men returning Home to Wholeness, Honor, Truth, and Love.
20 Ways Men's Work Changed My Life
What is so powerful about Men’s Work?
Good question. Let’s speak to 20 key elements:
1. Deep Healing
Men’s Work is profoundly healing, especially if you stay with it over a substantial span of time and become truly intimate with a group of good men.
There is something intrinsically primordially medicinal about sharing a space of profound Presence, Truth, and Love with a group of open-hearted men.
To proverbially strip yourself naked week in and week out—sharing what is truly real and raw on your heart, with a circle of brothers who do their best to hold you in Non-Judgmental Presence & Unconditional Love—is like a cold cleansing shower for the soul that can border on a religious experience.
Through sincerely engaging this work, you are literally bringing the healing Sunlight of Love to your deepest wounds and the darkest corners of your being.
Through this practice, you are learning what it is to be held by your brothers in a warm, cozy Bonfire of Loving Presence, and in turn you are learning how to ignite and stoke this Bonfire within your own Heart—and to carry it with you all the days of your life.
Through staying put over a long span of time in the Transformational Oven of a well-held Men’s Circle, you are quite literally re-patterning the way you relate to Life, Men, Yourself, & Humanity on deep levels—creating new imprints of Love, Safety, Connection, Camaraderie, & Trust, while dissolving & transmuting old (ancestral) imprints of fear, un-safety, standoffishness, separation, & distrust.
The power of such re-pattering is difficult to overstate.
This level of healing can ripple outward into all areas of your life, bringing healing to all your existing relationships and allowing you to form healthy new relationships.
It can allow you to finally relax in your own body, calm your nervous system, ground yourself on Earth, and viscerally feel an embodied sense of Trust in Life.
It can open you up to new pathways, callings, and creative possibilities that you could not have seen or embraced before, due to your heart and body being tight, rigid, clenched, closed off to Life.
2. Growth & Integrity
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
— Jim Rohn
There’s a lot of truth in this classic quote from Jim Rohn.
We are social creatures, and to a preposterously great extent, we take our cues from those around us.
By osmosis, we absorb a huge number of our basic attitudes, standards, approaches, understandings, imprints, templates, energetic orientations, maps, models, and directions in life, from those we spend the most time with.
As such, it is truly powerful to spend large quantities of time with Heart-Led Men of Vision & Integrity who striving to show up fully in life, in service to the Whole.
To do so is to place oneself in a kind of upward-spiraling gravitational field, in which one is naturally summoned upward toward a fuller, truer, and more honorable expression of oneself.
3. Integration & Accountability
In a similar vein, there’s tremendous power in consistently meeting with a group of honorable men on the path of truth, week in, week out.
This gives you a built-in time every week to really take stock of how you’re doing in life, what you’re feeling, what’s going well, what your challenges are, where you are leaking energy, and how you’re progressing toward truly integrating and embodying your deepest wisdom in daily life.
There’s a natural virtuous cycle of accountability that takes place here. By showing up for yourself and your brothers week in and week out, in a tribe of men committed to healing and true integration, you are naturally more motivated and inspired to “walk the talk” and really live and embody your wisdom.
You come to feel a sense of being bonded as brothers under noble principles, and so there is a sense of sacred duty to be a man of integrity, day in and day out, especially when no one is watching.
4. Heart-Opening
Opening the heart and returning to the heart are indispensable on the path of truth. The heart knows the truth of non-separation, radical gratitude, and universal Love.
I have gradually come to see heart-opening as the most fundamental pillar on the path of truth. So long as the heart remains closed, no matter how much we “grow,” we will feel cut off from ourselves, others, and Life.
I thought my heart was open in years prior, yet the heart-openings I’ve experienced in the past ~year have shown me that there was so much deeper to go—and probably there always will be.
In the past 7 months or so, I’ve placed a special focus on heart-opening in my personal practice, and I credit this focus as a major factor in the great deal of positive change I’ve experienced during that time. I now regularly feel this sense of warmth, coziness, gratitude, and at-home-ness emanating from my chest, that I didn’t experience in the same way before.
Men’s Work is an incredible modality for opening the heart, and I believe it has been a crucial piece of the puzzle for me. To witness the ever evolving, real, raw stories of your brothers, week in and week out, cracks you open. It touches you on a deep level of shared humanity and shared suffering. It opens you to deeper empathy, compassion, and connection.
5. Grounding
I was heavily in need of grounding the past couple years after some massively ungrounding psychedelic experiences, and Men’s Work really assisted me in this regard.
Men’s Work is a distinctly earthly modality. It brings you into your body. It relentlessly refocuses you on your ‘on the ground’ human experience. It asks you to share about your human-level issues, struggles, and emotions, and to deeply listen as others do the same.
Thus, it anchors you powerfully on Earth, on the ground, in your body, in service, here and now.
6. Humbling
I was also in great need of humbling in recent years, after becoming quite grandiose and ego-inflated in the wake of some huge psychedelic experiences.
Men’s Work humbles you.
It’s a distinctly ‘equal eye level’ modality. Yes, there is a circle leader or facilitator, but typically the leader also shares vulnerably from the heart and participates in the work as ‘one of the guys.’
So there is little room for ‘all-knowing gurus,’ or a significant sense of hierarchy, or teacher-student dynamics.
Everyone shows up as a fellow man on the same tumultuous path of life. Everyone has ample chance to listen and to share their wisdom for the good of all.
Also, the fact that a large portion of the experience is simply shutting up, being still, being present, and deeply listening to other men, is also humbling. It’s not about you, it’s about the whole. This also helps to cultivate an attitude of selfless service.
7. Service & Space-Holding
Building on the last point, Men’s Work done well is a continuous practice of Holding Space for your brothers, in service of the whole.
For any man called to be a coach, healer, space-holder, or facilitator, this is an invaluable experience—to regularly hold space, listen deeply, and offer questions and reflections to brothers.
Beyond that, it’s valuable for any man to build an attitude of Service and an aptitude for Space-Holding, as these will be great assets for any man in all of his relationships and vocational endeavors.
8. Friendship & Brotherhood
You form authentically deep friendships through Men’s Work.
It’s called brotherhood for a reason.
This should not be underestimated.
The presence of just one true friend can make a life-saving difference in a man’s life.
Having even one brother who truly believes in you and is in your corner, is a tremendous boon that can change the course of your life.
Brotherhood is an ancient medicine.
9. Shadow Work & Blindspot-Illumination
Part of the purpose of Men’s Work is to call you out on your ‘bullshit.’
To call you up.
To help you see your own shadows, blindspots, where you lie to yourself, and where you are out of integrity with yourself and all of Life.
Often this happens implicitly, simply through listening to heart-centered brothers sharing openly about their own process.
It’s explicit too, though. A good men’s circle will create space for reflections and constructive feedback, in which your brothers can be direct and let you know what you might not be seeing about yourself and your life—in all areas, including oft-under-examined areas like sexuality, money, relationships, and so forth.
Many men’s circles also place an importance on healthily integrating one’s ‘inner monster’ or ‘junkyard dog’—i.e. acknowledging one’s most primal, rage-full, and aggressive aspects, bringing love to those aspects, holding them in the fires of the open heart, and ultimately healthfully integrating them in service of Love—transfiguring them into qualities of assertiveness, healthy boundary-setting, protectiveness of the innocent, and a warrior spirit.
10. Ceasing to Play the ‘Nice Guy’ and Leaning Into Your ‘Masculine Edge’
No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover is a great book that I’d recommend for all modern men. We’ve recently discussed and explored some of its concepts within Brothers of the Ever Innocent Heart.
Basically, Glover’s thesis is that, as a result of the dramatic rise in absent or overworked fathers post-WWII, combined with the rise of (both healthy and misguided forms of) feminism, we’ve seen a massive surge in men who embody the ‘Nice Guy’ archetype.
Due to abandonment wounds, absent strong male role models, and a subsequent feeling that one must ‘do everything right’ and be a ‘good boy’ in order to receive love, countless men have become ‘doormats’ and people-pleasers who never rock the boat, or fight for anything, or go after their callings, or stand up for their true needs and values (in relationship), and thus end up highly resentful, as they aren’t respected by their partners or those around them, and they miss out on what they truly want out of life.
The remedy for ‘Nice Guy syndrome’ is to start leaning into your ‘masculine edge,’ reactivating a warrior spirit, becoming more honest and direct, going after your passions and callings, clearly stating your needs and boundaries, consciously leaning into tensions or conflicts to work through them, and cultivating some of the more noble ‘traditional’ masculine qualities.
Men’s Work—and surrounding yourself with brothers who are consciously moving beyond the ‘Nice Guy’ archetype—helps you do this.
11. Co-Discovering the Future of Mature Masculinity
Building on the last point, it is widely said at this time in history that masculinity is ‘in crisis.’
(Alex Beiner has a great recent piece exploring the crisis of masculinity—highly recommended.)
Look around at the world, and you’ll notice that men are confused. Their role in families and society has been shifting in tectonic ways for the past century. Many men feel disoriented and are no longer sure what valuable role they have to play in life.
As such, suicide and addiction rates among men are staggeringly high. From Wikipedia:
“The incidence of suicide is vastly higher among males than females among all age groups in most of the world. As of 2015, almost two-thirds of worldwide suicides (representing about 1.5% of all deaths) are by men.”
Many men feel lost at this point in history. There is a great need to come together as brothers and to collectively bring forth an inspiring ‘North Star’ vision of mature masculinity that is widely resonant, as we move forward into the 21st century.
Far from being without value, men of integrity are arguably needed now, more than ever—in this nuclear, ecocidal age of ‘global catastrophic risk,’ in which the stakes are higher than any time prior.
Strong, heart-led male leadership is sorely lacking in the world today. Men need role models they can truly respect and seek to emulate. They need direction and guidance. They need to feel that there are wise elder men who care about them and who have blazed the trails of life and can help them find their way through.
Men’s Work provides a setting and context for men to find those role models, to become those role models, and to collectively co-discover what mature masculinity looks like in 2023 and beyond.
12. Physical Training & Holistic Well-Being
The physical training & nourishing of the body is often a strong value in Men’s Work and Men’s Circles.
There is a fascinating correlation between a strong, vital body and a deep inner strength—resolve, resilience, a warrior spirit, and a sense that you can handle whatever life throws at you.
Being around men who hold this as a core value, naturally inspires you to do the same.
For myself, I can definitely say that the Men’s Work I’ve done has deeply inspired me in this regard. In recent months I have begun training my body regularly—with running, weight training, and martial arts—and am now at a point where I train in some fashion every day, rarely missing a day. I’ve also been eating a healthy diet of mostly home-cooked meals.
The results have been powerful. My nervous system feels significantly calmer. I feel more embodied. I feel stronger and healthier on all levels. I sleep better. I feel more emotionally balanced. I feel more grounded. I feel more in my healthy masculine. I feel ready for what life throws at me.
13. Embodying the Archetypes of Mature Masculinity
The book King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine by Robert Moore & Douglas Gillette, has been highly influential in the mythopoetic men’s movement, and with good reason.
Examining the healthy (and shadow) expressions of these four major masculine archetypes—the King, the Warrior, the Magician, and the Lover—brings forth a profound lens through which to view masculinity.
I won’t go much into the nuances of this here, but suffice to say that in their full and healthy expression, the Lover connects a man to the sensuous joys of living; the Magician allows a man to skillfully harness knowledge and wisdom; the Warrior fuels a man to take action and to be unrelenting in his pursuit of his mission or calling; and the King empowers a man to become a heart-centered leader and benevolent steward of his domain, in service to the Whole.
14. Finding and Living Your Calling
Men’s Work often places a strong emphasis on finding and living your true calling(s).
There’s a good reason for this. Men thrive when they feel a strong sense of aligned mission and purpose.
Sometimes in Men’s Work you’ll do specific exercises designed to help you gain clarity on your calling. Beyond that, though, simply through doing the work and showing up for Men’s Work over a long span of time, you will learn a massive amount about yourself on all levels—and thus you’ll have a clearer sense of who you are, what you love, and what you’re truly meant to be doing in this world.
For myself, Men’s Work undoubtedly helped me get clearer on my calling, as it turned out that diving much deeper into Men’s Work, and becoming a leader/space-holder in this Work, was a deep and sincere calling for me.
Furthermore, it’s helped me get really clear on the fact that my overarching meta-calling in life at this time is to open my Heart and be Love for myself and those around me—and that my four major interconnected callings/expressions emerging from this meta-calling are: Space-holding, writing, music, and caring for my family.
15. Playfulness & Creativity
Though Men’s Work can often be quite serious, there are also a lot of laughs.
And in some Circles, like the ones I lead, there are exercises—writing, poetry, dance, improv, etc.—that can further help unlock playfulness and creativity.
Playfulness and creativity are great boons in life.
They spice up all relationships and situations.
They bring a medicinal levity into smooth or challenging times.
They allow you to begin making your entire life into an art-work.
All of us are born creative geniuses. May we reclaim our inner genius.
16. Authenticity & Communication
Authenticity is a massive aspect of Men’s Work.
It’s an absolute cornerstone of the practice.
You show up each and every week, take off your masks, and show other men your real, raw, vulnerable self.
This is incredibly healing and transformational for many reasons.
One of the most powerful, is that you feel more and more like yourself.
You become more of who you truly are.
You gain a deeper, visceral, embodied sense of what it means to speak and live your truth.
And you get better at actually communicating your own subtle emotional truth, deeply listening to others do the same, and responding with sensitivity, directness, and compassion.
These gifts are priceless and will have positive ripple effects in all your relationships.
17. Sealing Energy Leaks
There are many ways that humans ‘leak energy’—i.e. give away their power, momentum, integrity, single-pointedness, and solidity through misaligned or mishandled activities.
The most notable energy leaks are addictions, distractions, toxic relationships, poor health habits, unhandled pragmatic affairs, lying & dishonesty, shady dealings, and so forth.
Men’s Work helps a lot on these fronts. That’s not to say that it’s a panacea or a cure for all deeply-rooted energy leaks, but it’s a strong support system.
For myself, the Men’s Circles I’ve led and participated in have definitely been huge in this regard. I quit watching porn indefinitely ~7 months ago after a brother told me directly that it wasn’t serving me. ~50 days ago, I decided to quit alcohol for 1 year, and I doubt I would’ve felt the sense of strength, support, and motivation to make this decision if it were not for the men in my Circles. I also have not scrolled social media in ~4 months since the Men’s Retreat I hosted last year. At this point, I have very few energy leaks, apart from an over-cluttered email inbox and some debt I am methodically paying off.
Men’s Work simply inspires me to show up fully for myself, my family, my brothers, and the world.
18. Awakening & Deepening of Faith
Depending on the Men’s Circle, there may be a great emphasis on faith and spirituality, or there may not be.
Within Brothers of the Ever Innocent Heart, this is a foundational element.
I infuse an opening guided meditation and a closing prayer into almost every session, helping men to be still, connect to the body, center in the heart, and make space for authentic contact with Divinity to blossom. I also sometimes incorporate breathwork, or invite the men to undertake a fasting challenge, both of which support spiritual purification and connection. For me a Men’s Circle in its entirety is essentially a sacred meditation practice of Deep Listening & Profound Heart-Centered Presence.
Spending time regularly in Heart-Centered Presence, with men who hold a deep sense of Faith & Trust in the flow of Life, is powerful. Again, there can be an ‘osmosis’ effect here of absorbing the wisdom other men have embodied.
Through the ups and downs of human life, there is no greater ally than Profound Faith. If you always trust that every single thing that is occurring is part of the Divine Order, or God’s Plan, you find great relief in the midst of suffering, and you are always on the lookout for gifts and gems hidden in every experience—and when you look for them, you find them.
19. Sacred Relationships With Women (And All People)
Deep commitment to Men’s Work leads to sacred relationships with women.
You become the type of man who meets and forms profound (romantic) relationships with aligned, conscious women.
If you want to meet an aligned woman, you must first come into deep alignment with yourself. You must start living and emanating your truth, and being a man of integrity.
The greatest women in the world are looking for the type of men that are developed through Men’s Work: Men who are true to themselves, who are trustworthy, who can communicate sensitively yet directly, who value healing, who live their callings, who are grounded, humble, heart-opened, shadow-integrated, growth-oriented, strong, healthy, present, embodied, playful, creative, grateful, in service, able to hold space, and in Trust of Life.
These qualities allow a man to discover truly next-level relationships with women, and with all people.
Men’s Work has undoubtedly improved my relationship with my wonderful fiance, Tanja. It has made me a better man, a better partner, a better father, a better son, a better brother, and a better person in all of my relationships.
20. Leadership Development
When you add up all these elements of Men’s Work…
Deep Healing
Growth & Integrity
Integration & Accountability
Heart-Opening
Grounding
Humbling
Service & Space-Holding
Friendship & Brotherhood
Shadow Work & Blindspot-Illumination
Ceasing to Play the ‘Nice Guy’ and Leaning Into Your ‘Masculine Edge’
Co-Discovering the Future of Mature Masculinity
Physical Training & Holistic Well-Being
Embodying the Archetypes of Mature Masculinity
Finding and Living Your Calling
Playfulness & Creativity
Authenticity & Communication
Sealing Energy Leaks
Awakening & Deepening of Faith
Sacred Relationships With Women (And All People)
You can see why Men’s Work creates leaders.
Men who embody these qualities are natural leaders, and are always going to be greatly needed in their families, communities, and world.
I have no doubt that I have become a stronger leader through this work.
In Sum: A Slow Roast, Not an Overnight Solution
Our culture is obsessed with quick-fixes and overnight solutions.
Unfortunately, when it comes to true healing and transformation, shortcuts don’t really exist.
One of my Men’s Work mentors, Jiro Taylor, spoke a lot about this. He spoke about the ‘slow roast’ of true transformation and integration.
Men’s Work is not an overnight solution.
It’s the real deal.
An actual long-term antidote to many of the ills, confusions, and trials modern men face.
A deep path toward true healing, heart-opening, integration, embodiment, and transformation.
The only catch is that you actually have to show up and do the work.
No one is going to do it for you.
You have to consistently show up for yourself and your brothers, in Circle, week in and week out, over a long span of time, to really understand the benefits. I’m talking several months minimum to start to taste the deeper, long-term benefits of this Work, and more likely years to integrate true healing and transformation in a sustainable fashion. A single Circle can be beautiful, healing, and inspiring, yet it’s the ‘long game’ that bears the rare fruit of lasting change.
This is why I require men to commit to at least 4 months when they join Brothers of the Ever Innocent Heart. The hope and prayer is that this is a solid amount of time for a man to start to understand how powerful this Work is and how deep it can go, so he will then feel inspired to stay put for a longer ‘slow roast.’
Again, no one else can do the work for you, brother.
And you are not meant to do it alone.
In a Men’s Circle, you know you’re not alone. Your brothers are there for you, week in and week out, supporting you, showing up for you. And you’re showing up for them too.
And even more importantly, if you’re committed to this work, you’re showing up for yourself and those around you in your *daily life*, with devotion and discipline, as you strive to truly *live* and *integrate* and *embody* your deepest wisdom.
This is the real work.
It’s not nearly as romantic-sounding as all the New Age fluff about ‘instant activations’ and ‘quantum leaps’ and ‘rapid manifestations’ and all that jazz.
It just happens to be what actually works.
Truly showing up and giving your best, day in, day out, for years on end.
Who woulda thunk it, eh? : )
Any pro athlete could’ve told you that, yet for some reason, many of us (myself included) in our culture are obsessed with trying to find the ‘hack,’ the ‘shortcut,’ the secret way to teleport to the finish line.
Yet it just does not exist.
Many experiences can be profoundly powerful and catalyze big shifts, yet without true daily dedication to *the work*, forget about it. You may carry forward some positive lasting effects, but the deeper jewels of the human experience will elude you.
There is no replacement for a daily commitment to Love, Gratitude, and Excellence.
There is no fulfillment like that of making your entire Life into a Prayer and Celebration of the Divine Gift of Being.
That is my truth in this moment. That is where my experience has led me.
Am I perfect at all this stuff?
No!
I’m only human, and it’s a never-ending practice.
Yet this practice of praying for the opening of my Heart, every day, and renewing my commitment to Love, Truth, and Gratitude…
As I do my best to show up fully for my family, my friends, my brothers, and my world, in alignment with my callings, in service to God…
It just feels right in my Heart.
It feels warm. It feels true.
It feels like my path.
And Men’s Work helped me find it.
Thank you to the many great brothers I have met through this work, for continuously inspiring me to be a better man.
With Love and Gratitude,
Jordan
P.S. Brother, if you read this far, you’re a champion, and I encourage you to join us in Brothers of the Ever Innocent Heart. I invite you to book a free heart-to-heart exploration call with me here:
(If none of the scheduled times work for you, just email me at jordan.bates1991 [at] gmail.com and we can find a time. I’m flexible.)
“Working with Jordan was one of the most beautiful and transformative and important things that has ever happened to me.”
— Edward, Artist, Sweden
P.P.S. If you’re seeking to cultivate devotion and discipline, my dear homies Eric Brown and the Phoenix Culture family have cooked up an epic 100-day challenge called the HERO100. It begins April 1st.
