I Hereby Commit to 1 Year of Discipline.
Declaring six 1-year commitments to create an architecture supporting sacred masculine growth
Hey Family,
I’m about two weeks into a 1-year multi-level fast / commitment. It’s going well so far. I wanted to share about it here for added accountability—and to potentially inspire some of you on your own path of growth.
Formally Declaring Six 1-Year Commitments
Here is the original message that I sent ~two weeks ago to three men’s groups I’m part of—two of which I lead and one ARKA circle in which I sit as a participant:
Brothers,
On this day of September 15th, 2024, I am hereby declaring some 1-year commitments. My prayer is to release residual addictions, compulsions, escapist tendencies, and distractions—and to release all resistance to True Loving Presence with my daughter, my wife, my family, my friends, nature, life, and God. I pray that these commitments bring greater discipline and masculine structure into my life, sealing energy leaks and opening space for the fruitful launching of new projects and undertakings. I am sharing here for increased visibility and accountability. I may choose to strengthen some of these commitments (make them even more strict and difficult) over time but I am going to start with this:
I hereby prayerfully commit to 1 year of:
1. No porn — Seeing nudity randomly in a movie or something is ok, but I cannot access any porn site or deliberately search for images/videos of (partially) nude women or adult film actresses for the next year.
2. No smoking of tobacco whatsoever — Perhaps occasional rapé (shamanic tobacco snuff, which is something I rarely work with), but no smoking of tobacco for the next year.
3. No more than 1 alcoholic beverage per week — Non-alcoholic beer (~<0.5%) is okay and is not considered alcoholic here—same with kombucha, etc. Other than that, I can only have 1 alcoholic beverage per week for the next year.
4. No more than 1 cannabis session/ceremony per week — The intent is to retain a limited ability to work symbiotically with cannabis as a sacred medicine, for purposes of helping me balance some energies in my psyche and keep me in touch with certain deepened (feminine) dimensions of empathy, intuition, self-awareness, spirituality, nature-connection, creativity, and inspiration.
5. No more than 1 online poker night per month — I can only play online poker one day per month. This will start in October, as I’ve already committed to zero online poker in September. I must start at 5pm or later on the one poker day of the month, if I choose to play.
6. Greatly limited social media access — Specifically: No IG, Twitter, FB, or Reddit, with the only (rare) exceptions to this being: If one of these sites pops up in a Google search result while legitimately doing research; if a loved one sends me a direct link to something on one of these sites; if I’m replying to DMs or reaching out to contacts for business purposes or contacts I don’t believe I have on other platforms; if I’m using friends/follower/likes lists on socials to generate ideas for leads to message about a business offering; if I’m linking/copying/saving an old post from social media to share in a blog post or elsewhere; if I’m logging on to post about a business offering (no more than 2 times per month may I post to feed + story on any of these sites; posts may also contain some personal or artistic content but must promote business offering(s)); if there’s an emergency or something else urgent/important/legitimate that arises that I haven’t thought of here. In general the strong intent is to access these sites no more than ~2-4 times/month, almost entirely for business-related tasks such as posting about an offering or DM’ing contacts about an offering.
Thank you for reading and witnessing the initiation of these commitments. I feel good about this undertaking, with a strong resolve to follow through. Sharing this with all of you strengthens my resolve. I have said deep and earnest prayers as I embark on this journey, and I have held a bonfire ceremony, saying prayers and burning my remaining tobacco, asking the fire to take all resistance to Presence and all remaining addiction from my life. Feel welcome to say a silent prayer or blessing for me, or offer any words of support. Cheers to the starting of new chapters, and to the embracing of manhood, fatherhood, and family life. Christ be with me. God bless all of you.
With Love,
Jordan
Further Reflections on Why I Am Doing This & How It’s Going So Far
I’d like to add a few more reflections here on why I architected these commitments in this way:
No Porn — For many years I—like ~1+ billion other modern men—was ~addicted to ~daily porn viewing. This changed dramatically (and unexpectedly) after my first few ayahuasca sessions in 2018. My ~daily use of porn, alcohol, and cannabis all decreased by ~80-90+% after ayahuasca and ~never returned to the same levels. I went ~14 months without viewing any porn in 2022-2023. However, in the past year I allowed it to creep back in here and there, indulging on a few occasions. I’ve come to believe that this is simply not good or healthy for me as a man, a father, and a husband. So I am cutting it out entirely for the next year, and will strongly consider a longer commitment over the course of that year. So far I’m ~2 months in (as I had started this one a few weeks earlier), and this one is feeling easy, smooth, non-tempting, and good for me.
No Tobacco — I’ve never been much of a tobacco smoker, but in the past ~year especially, I became quite fond of smoking ~2-4 ‘spliffs’ per week—a hand-rolled joint containing a mixture of tobacco and cannabis. I really treasured time spent going into the woods, rolling one, and having a nature-connected ceremony. At the same time, I started to notice that even this amount of tobacco was hurting my lungs, and I started to notice myself feeling an ‘itch’ to get the tobacco ‘buzz.’ Tobacco-smoking feels a little more ‘sticky’ than I am comfortable with. So I have decided to cut this out for one year to reflect and reset. I’m 16 days in and there have been a few cravings, but it’s been pretty easy to notice them and let them pass.
No more than 1 alcoholic beverage per week — From early 2023-2024 I successfully completed 1 year without alcohol. I was very rigorous and did not even allow myself to drink ‘non-alcoholic’ drinks that contained ~0.5% alcohol. In 2024 I have been enjoying alcohol in moderation, and in many ways it has felt ‘good to be back.’ However, there was ~one occasion where I had too much to drink and acted somewhat foolishly and inappropriately. And there have been a few occasions where I noticed I was drinking more than I needed to. As such, I’ve decided that a period of deeper discipline is indicated. I’m 16 days in and enjoying this one. I do notice cravings but drinking non-alcoholic beer or wine is a helpful substitute. And I notice I am really making a self-care ritual out of my one weekly beverage: So far on each Friday night I’ve gone to a different nice restaurant in town to treat myself to a good German beer. I savor the beer with so much relaxing presence because it feels like a special occasion. As someone who used to frequently get blackout drunk with my fraternity brothers ~12 years ago, I am proud to have reached this level of discipline and moderation with alcohol.
No more than 1 cannabis session/ceremony per week — As I mentioned, I used to be a ~daily cannabis smoker for many years. I enjoyed being a ‘stoner’ but there were also some serious shadows (haziness, de-motivation, over-eating, extreme ‘night owl’ schedule, scrolling social media for hours while ‘baked,’ etc.). After ayahuasca, my relationship to cannabis naturally changed a lot, becoming much healthier, conscious, intentional, and ceremonial overall. However, as mentioned, I was enjoying a fair few ‘spliff ceremonies’ this year, and I noticed this habit becoming ‘stickier’ than I liked. I don’t like when I notice my level of presence with my family being sabotaged because I am ‘looking forward’ to some solo vice-indulgence activity later in the day; this barometer helps me notice when it’s time to ‘pump the brakes.’ So, I decided it’s time for a reset with cannabis as well. So far I’m 16 days in and have had just one pure-cannabis ceremony (no tobacco) in nature. It was a beautiful experience and felt quite entheogenic.
No more than 1 online poker night per month — Online poker has been a tricky vice of mine for a few years for me, especially since the summer of 2021 when I played a lot. I fell in love with poker ~18 years ago while watching the WSOP as a teenager. I used to play a lot with my friends. It’s a nostalgic game for me. I’ve tracked my results since 2017 and I am a winning player, having profited ~$7,000 from the game (~$5,600 in person; $1,400 online). So the issue is not with losing money. Rather, it’s that online poker is ‘sticky’ for me and can easily slide toward addiction or obsession. The game is a little too much fun, and the monetary element makes it extra enticing. I started playing again this year and was ~largely successful at moderating myself through various ~1-month commitments. However, over time I noticed myself go from one poker night per week, to two, to three, to four, until eventually I had to admit the habit was gradually returning to its old ways. So, a deeper reset is implied. Allowing myself to play just one time per month sounds good. I’m sure I’ll relish the games on those rare occasions. So far I’ve gone about 1 month without playing and it feels good. Poker ~rarely crosses my mind in daily life. This is good.
Greatly limited social media access — Social media is another vice I’ve struggled to moderate over the years. The internet in general is one of my biggest compulsions/addictions—and perhaps the most pervasive addiction of our age. I believe wisely moderating internet usage for children—and demonstrating what wise internet usage looks like—is one of the cardinal challenges parents now face in 2024. I went ~6 months without using my ‘big three’ (Twitter, Facebook, Instagram) in 2023, and that felt very good. I got back on social media this year, and although it is fun and cool in many ways to connect to everyone via those mediums, I still notice ill effects, such as overuse, compulsive use, taking in lots of ‘garbage’ information, being exposed to more fear-mongering & polarizing propaganda, checking phone more often in daily life, and spending less time doing more wholesome or soul-nourishing activities. So I’ve decided to drastically limit this activity again—for one year. I’m ~one month in on this one and it feels good. I’m finding Substack to be a cleaner, clearer, less-propagandistic, less-addictive platform for social media—without all the manipulative advertisements. Follow me on ‘Substack Notes’ here.
A few more notes and updates related to the 1-year commitments:
I’m finding this architecture very supportive so far. Overall I definitely feel a distinct increase in my level of heart-centered presence with my daughter and my wife—which is one of my main goals. I’m also on a healthier sleep schedule, eating healthier, eating less meat, and hitting the gym/sauna + exercising outdoors much more regularly and intensively again. (As I’ve said before, regular sauna + cold shower sessions are incredibly supportive medicine for me.)
It feels good to be leaning into more discipline. I naturally have quite a strong hedonistic, Dionysian tendency. Within Tim Conway’s model of the ‘12 Spiritual Temperaments’ (highly recommend his survey to learn your temperament; plus his site in general is an incredible resource I’ve been exploring deeply as of late), the ‘Sensual Ecstatic’ Dionysian temperament ranks quite high for me (‘Mystic-Sage’ seems to be my #1, followed by ‘Devotee,’ ‘Hermit,’ ‘Sensual Ecstatic,’ ‘Prophet / Trance-Channel,’ ‘Yogi / Psychic Experimenter,’ ‘Ritualist-Ceremonialist,’ ‘Intellectual,’ ‘Cynic / Freedom Seeker,’ and ‘Compassionate Server.’ I can see aspects of myself in most ~all the temperaments; I seem to be a bit of a shape-shifter.) Within Men’s Work brothers have pointed out that my hedonistic tendencies are still active in various ways, and these 1-year commitments are an expression of me taking that feedback seriously and wanting to lean further into my non-dominant mode to develop greater self-mastery and less dependency on sense-pleasures.
I do notice that when one cuts out or substantially reduces one or more outlets for ‘addiction energy,’ that energy often finds other channels to be expressed. This has happened somewhat so far in these ways:
I found myself ‘going harder’ on coffee than usual in the last couple weeks, culminating in one day where I became pretty ‘ungrounded’ after a strong cup (I’m quite sensitive to caffeine and ~everything). This led to me switching to decaf and cacao the past few days; I’ll be tracking this closely to find the right balance.
I also found myself replacing poker with ‘Super Mario World’ and ‘Angry Birds 2’ on my laptop and iPad, enjoying some late-night gaming sessions a few times per week to relax and ‘chill out.’ Sometimes I’ll call friends while playing, or more often I’ll listen to satsangs, meditations, music, or podcasts. (Last night I listened to this fantastic recording of a Buddhist nun reading Meister Eckhart.) I’m tracking this behavior and not currently planning to place any major limitations on it. I’m often tired in the evenings and don’t have much energy for anything else. These games are generally relaxing and not nearly as emotionally-triggering as poker. I’ve also noticed in the past that if I try to cut out too many vices all at once, this can be destabilizing. So giving myself a ‘little something’ to indulge in seems okay right now.
I’m also tracking an overeating tendency—especially active in the (late) evenings. Probably going to take steps to bring more awareness and structure/limits to this behavior. My belly grew a decent bit while visiting the USA for six weeks recently, and I’d like to curb this trend before it gains any further momentum. It feels kinda good, cozy, and grounding to carry a bit of extra weight, but I can see how this could easily become a slippery slope—and I want to invest in long-term vitality and well-being.
I also notice that I am still using the internet & devices plenty overall. I’m doing better, though. Mostly using it purely for work, writing, making music, reading longer-form essays or books, listening to music, conversing with family and friends, and for a bit of gaming. My main goal right now is to (almost) ~never use devices or the internet when I’m with my daughter (except to play background music on occasion or check a map or [eventually] start having a family movie night here or there or something), reserving all usage for dedicated work blocks or for evening hours after she goes to sleep. I’m getting closer and closer to this; every step forward feels worthwhile. I deeply desire to model wise digital usage for my daughter—and I deeply desire to not allow my digital usage to infringe upon my presence with her, my wife, our family and friends. I am considering more severe commitments around this (I recently bought a flip phone and am considering a longer ‘no smartphone’ commitment). It is easy to justify internet use when ~most of my work is online and when I live so far from many of my family and friends. Yet I do not want this to be an excuse. I wish to set a good example.
A quick note on how I’m able to make a big commitment like this and stick to it: I credit a lot of this to Men’s Work, which helps build discipline, structure, integrity, follow-through, and healthy respect for authority/order. I’ve noticed that if you don’t respect legitimate forms of external authority/order, you will tend not to respect your own inner masculine authority / ordering principle as well. This makes self-mastery difficult. Men’s Work helps with this. As mentioned, ayahuasca has also helped me a lot to release addictive patterns (though plant medicine is not to be taken lightly and is only recommended to those who feel a deep, sincere heart-calling). Furthermore, small steps help. By following through on many smaller commitments, I have built the ‘commitment muscle’ up to be able to undertake bigger commitments like this. Publicly declaring commitments within my Men’s Groups and here on the blog also helps me a lot with a further sense of duty to follow through and ‘make my word good.’
In Sum
So, this is the general ‘weather report’ right now. Wish me luck and say a prayer for me if you feel inspired to do so.
Thank you for taking the time to read about this undertaking. I hope you have found some value or insight here. Feel welcome to like, comment, or share if you’re inspired to do so. I always appreciate the feedback and it helps new people find my work.
I’ve got some exciting new creations in the works as we transition from 2024 to 2025. Feel welcome to get in touch with me if you feel a spark to connect or co-create in some way.
I feel quite focused right now on: God, Family, and Vocational Business.
Those are the ‘big three’ at this stage of my life.
My 1-year commitments represent a path of deepening willingness to make sacrifices in support of the ‘big three.’
I am grateful to be alive and experiencing this miraculous omnipresent mystery with all of you.
Let’s keep rising into our most juicy and sacred timelines.
Amen.
With Love,
J
P.S. If you’re curious about Men’s Work, feel welcome to get in touch with me. I have now been leading Men’s Work and immersed in it for years, and I have some opportunities coming up for more men to get involved in the work.
P.P.S. A few photos from the last weeks in the USA and Germany:
I feel inspired and motivated reading these commitments Jordan. Thank you. In my own case, I was particularly inspired by your commitment to digital discipline in front of your daughter, which makes me think about my own role in modelling good digital habits as a father. Thanks for all you do.