Letting Go of 'Never Enough' Consciousness
Abiding in goal-less-ness, appreciating what you have, & wanting what you actually need
Note: Today is my 32nd birthday. : ) If you feel inspired to give me a gift, consider sharing my work with someone who’d appreciate it, making a one-time donation via PayPal, or becoming a paying subscriber for $7/month:
I’ve recently been feeling largely without goals.
People ask me, “But what do you want? What’s the grand vision? What are you working toward?”
And when I check in authentically with my heart, I’ve often been coming up quite blank.
“I already have what I want, and what I need,” is an answer I feel deeply.
I have this precious life. I have the opportunity to practice being unconditional Love. I have my soon-to-be wife and our beloved daughter. I have family and friends. I have a forest in our backyard. I have the opportunity to devote most all my time and energy to my core heart callings (family, writing, music, space-holding, physical training & martial arts, self-care & enjoyment of existence). I have God with me at all times and thank and celebrate Him often. I trust life. I feel surrendered to wherever God is taking me. My heart is full.
“Enjoy is a type of worship.”
Sure, there are still some things I am working on: Building my private coaching & healing practice. Growing the brotherhood I started last year. Collaborating with Tanja to build a solid financial foundation for our future, and getting us to a position where we can easily leave Germany and move to a new place if we are called to do so.
Yet those aspects mostly feel like they’re taking care of themselves, as I simply consistently show up for my simple daily routine and my callings.
A simple daily routine, rooted in a consistent physical place: What a treasure this is!
After so many years of wild nomadic escapades, I’m finding such healing, grace, grounding, and gratitude in the simplicity of our cozy family life right now. My system keeps relaxing more deeply into it. It feels like the exact medicine I’ve been needing. A simple, cozy family & routine in a place that feels like a home—Tanja’s mother’s house, in a small town in the German countryside.
It’s marvelous to see our little Lila connect with her grandparents here, and to watch her grow and grow, always learning and exploring new things, changing week by week, learning new words, transforming from baby to toddler before our eyes.
What more do I really need?
Isn’t the rest of it mostly hype?
Letting Go of the Need for ‘More, More, More’
We’re so conditioned by our culture and by the ‘self-help’ space to always want more—to feel like we need to have these big goals and 20-year visions and a grandiose lifestyle and a mission to “impact 1 million purpose-driven entrepreneurs” or whatever it is.
I’m not here to judge any of that. It’s valid, it’s part of the poetry of existence, and it has its place.
I’ve found value in goal-setting and long-term visioning at different phases of my life, and likely I will again, at a later phase.
Yet… it feels like there’s also great value in seasons of goal-less-ness, where we just sink into and appreciate what is right in front of us. Just live it and appreciate it wholeheartedly, without needing to compare it to some fantasy of a future destination.
Where we just let right now be enough, exactly as it is, in all its many-textured poetry. Where we notice that what we really need, is always right in front of us, always arriving at the perfect moment.
To quote Kota the Friend:
“Life get good when you movin’ with Love /
And what you need is the shit that you want”
How many of us want what we actually need?
How many of us want the medicine that will actually heal and restore and serve us?
How many of us spend our lives craving for fantasies that wouldn’t even really fulfill us—fantasies of ‘fucking bad bitches’ and ‘getting money’ implanted in our unconscious mind by a hamster-wheel culture that wants us to spend our lives addicted to chasing and consuming, rather than healing and being grateful for what we have?
In one powerful sense, what we really need, is always right in front of us.
Life always gives us the exact medicine we need.
(Including inspired intuitions that tell us how to change, heal, get healthy.)
This is a deep conviction of my heart.
Perhaps, then, we would be wise to start wanting what is right in front of us. Opening to it, loving it, being grateful for it, feeling all of it, noticing its poetry.
If goal-setting or future-visioning is part of what is naturally arising in the Now and resonating with our hearts, bodacious! Lean into that.
Yet I recommend to continuously check in with yourself to be sure you’re not stuck on the hamster wheel of “never enough.”
The greatest treasures in life, are simple. The building blocks of a more beautiful world, are simple. They’re right in front of us, waiting for us to open our hearts to them. Waiting for us to truly love what we already have.
May we never become so fixated on an imaginary horizon, that we overlook the gift that is right in front of us.
Love,
JB
Announcements & Housekeeping:
If you’re feeling called to cultivate devotion and discipline right now, my dear homies Eric Brown and the Phoenix Culture family have cooked up an epic 100-day challenge called the HERO100. It begins April 1st.
I’m starting a new men’s circle within Brothers of the Ever Innocent Heart on April 11th. The OG circle is nearly full and still going strong, so I am feeling the call to expand and bring this powerful work to more men. If you missed it, read my recent post on the 20 ways Men’s Work changed my life. If you are a man who feels called to heal, grow, evolve, integrate, embody healthy masculine power, speak your truth, live your callings, and show up fully as a mature leader, book a free heart-to-heart exploration call with me here:
(If the time slots on my calendar don’t work for you, just reply to this email or email me at jordan.bates1991 [at] gmail [dot] com and we will find a time.)
I also still have some space for new one-on-one clients. If you missed it, read my recent post on my 1:1 work, who it’s for, my approach, what it costs, and more. If you know instinctively that regular 1:1 sessions with me would help you heal, grow, and be who you truly are, book a free heart-to-heart exploration call with me here:
I recently released a new poetry & rap album called Jordan’s Heart Jazz Medicine For Our Grandchildren’s Grandchildren’s Grandchildren. So far it’s only on my Bandcamp; I intend to release a final version of it on streaming platforms soonish.
If you’re unaware, a while back I started publishing my newsletter via Substack. This means there is now a blog/home page where you can easily revisit past newsletters & essays. There’s also a Substack app for Android & iOS that provides a great reading experience.
Happy birthday dear 💗 you’re the best 😘🎈🎂🎉🥰
Thanks for the Hero100 shoutout.
This post was a nice reminder. I've been caught in the goal and task execution loop recently and this felt like a nice piece to counter that energy and make me stop and rest in being.
You've got wisdom as always bro, much love