diary of a child soul 🦊✨

a reclamation of aliveness 🐇 🦥

i.

what up what up y’all !

allrightallright so

i’m pretty excited right now 🦄

writing this on a train speeding along from frankfurt to cologne

after a ~10-hour direct flight from mexico to germany

i slept like 5 minutes on that flight so i’m on some all-nighter vibes rn

heading home after co-facilitating an Apotheosis aya & bufo retreat at Kumankaya

a lot is moving rn for me

feeling like i’ve been doing some ridiculously deep inner child / inner baby healing

and this is translating into a feeling that

my online ‘brand’ is meant to become way more wholly centered around the inner child for the foreseeable future

i have now changed the name of my substack / twitter to ‘diary of a child soul’

shoutout to Eric Brown, Jon Brooks, and Trevor West for these dank testimonials about my work ^_^

presently this feels like something that is going to stick for a while—let’s see

i really wanna dive deep into this flavor of expression

because it feels

F U N

E N L I V E N I N G

R E V I T A L I Z I N G

P L A Y F U L

F R E E

🦥 🦦 🦨 🦘

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ii.

i realized my online work had started to feel somewhat stagnant, stodgy, stuffy, serious, and overly professional to me

my previous ‘Lion Heart Leadership’ ‘brand’ on Substack was an important chapter

i feel like i needed to go through that portal / activation and charge up with the courageous Lion Heart energy

i love reinventing myself tho

and i love getting closer to the heart and soul of who i am with each reinvention

and man, i’m simply a super playful cat

like an actual kitty who paws at yarn balls with soft fluffy ginger-footed paws that make you go “d’awwwwwwwww”

the archetypes i most deeply resonate with at this point in my life are probably the trickster, the inner child, and the inner puppy 🐶

i mean, don’t get me wrong, i’m also all about the current ‘council of kings’ chapter we’re undertaking within ‘brothers of the ever innocent heart’

it feels important. a wise man once told me, “father energy is king energy,” and i’m definitely all about more deeply integrating my inner father and king at this stage of my life

and yet…

when i tune in to the *most important* aspects of the father and the king…

when i meditate on *me on my deathbed* and what i’m going to be *most glad* i expressed in this life as i’m about to depart this plane of existence and leap off into the next adventure…

what always comes up first is *sharing true loving presence & connection with family and friends*

and not just any type of loving presence and connection…

i wanna share *fun, joyful, playful, laughing-together-type of presence and connection*…

(among many other flavors of truly heart-connected forms of presence)

and…

which types of beings are the *absolute best* at joyful, connected presence?

well, the children, animals, and holy fools of course!

“ye must become like little children to enter the kingdom of heaven.” — jc

for some years i’ve been resonating with the archetype of the trickster-sage-king

in this moment let’s amend that to:

the trickster-puppy-child-sage-king

yes! : )

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iii.

man this stream-of-consciousness writing feels really effortless and fun

i also forget how fun it is to write in all lowercase without so much punctuation

i used to do that on twitter for years

just makes ya feel like life dudn’t need to be such a serious affair, ya dig?

like we can take it lighter

laugh along with the all-singing-all-laughing aether

chuckle along with our Father in Heaven

i’m wanting to do more of this type of thing with the new ‘brand’

EXPERIMENT MORE

rly let the creative firehose open up on a new level

let the signals flood through with fewer filters and feelings of “i need to be on-brand”

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iv.

a ‘brand’ is a fascinating thing

i don’t like the word ‘brand’ so much

i prefer to see ‘brands’ more as like funky-soul-flavors

which funky-soul-flavor are you allowing to permeate your work-play?

what is the jazzy-soul-essence you’re delightfully infusing into every ‘touch point’ with your fans and friends and fam?

i want ppl to FEEL the essence o’ JB more clearly, vividly, and fully NOW

i wanna push the boundaries of expression and be more wacky and poetic

cuz that’s who i am fam

i mean, yes, i’m also a full spectrum human being

i can be deadly serious when it’s called for

(and this feels truly important—to have integrated my warrior on a deep level)

i can be everything and anything depending what the context calls forth

i recommend being a shape-shifter

yet generally i prefer to be light and goofy and jokey and to see every situation as a creative opportunity for FUN

i prefer this and i want to practice it more wholeheartedly

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v.

i do also wanna express and hold space for ALL my emotions tho

children are prodigies when it comes to emotional expression

they just let it all flow through

their full-spectrum flavors simply erupt on through

at a certain point most ‘adults’ lose this capacity

we’re taught that it’s not a ‘grown up’ thing to do

so we become skilled at emotional repression

we become rly good at *many* forms of repression

this can be a useful psycho-mechanism, yet it’s not ultimately the wisest solution

it often comes back to bite ya

i’m reminded of the idea of an Obscurus which i just learned about while watching two of the fantastic ‘Newt Scamander’ movies on my long flight today:

“An Obscurial was a young wizard or witch who had developed a dark parasitical magical force, known as an Obscurus, as a result of their magic being suppressed through psychological or physical abuse.”

a depiction of an Obscurial named Credence from the ‘Newt Scamander’ movies, artist unknown

this is a good metaphor for what happens when we repress our full-spectrum human magic

repressing stuff does not make it go away

rather, the repressed content stews and festers and morphs into a “dark parasitical magical force” that is chaotic and uncontrollable and prone to volcanically spewing forth at unskillful moments, in messy ways

this is why we gotta learn to feel and express our full-spectrum humanity fam

“feel it to heal it”

feel it and express it artfully for bonus healing points

as we gradually feel and release the backlog of repressed content within our psycho-physical-energetic system, we feel lighter and we become ever more skilled at feeling, expressing, and holding space for our full-spectrum humanity—and the full-spectrum humanity of others

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[made it home and slept ~4 hours at around this point in the writing process. now it’s 1:30am in Germany and my jet-lagged arse is back at it]

it felt so good to be reunited with Tanja and Lila in Germany!!!! : ))))

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vi.

Ashley Delaune of Kumankaya once told me that our own voice has a special power to heal us that no other voice has

this is true in my experience

in recent days i’ve been singing unbelievably tender lullabies to my inner baby

and sobbing my eyes out

#sobsquad

i increasingly love singing to myself throughout the day

this connects me to my childhood, wherein i was in choir and was sometimes a cantor at Sacred Heart Catholic Church in my hometown

singing is incredibly therapeutic

i also cannot say enough good things about recording oneself rapping or singing

i started doing this ~16 years ago and the practice of it has utterly changed my life

making sound-art with your own voice (over music) allows you to do something pretty wild if you think about it:

you’re quite literally able to bottle up certain time-stamped energies and essences from certain moments of your life, and place those energies within ‘hyper-flasks’ or soul-artifacts—soul-gizmos that can be returned to unendingly in the future

as such, when i look at my musical discography, it’s almost like i’m looking at a wizard’s pantry filled with all sorts of oddly-shaped bottles containing serums and elixirs collected across a long span of time

and i know what each of these elixirs is good for

there are some moments where i know i need to listen to the heart-opening, inner-child-healing frequencies of ‘jordan’s heart jazz medicine for our grandchildren’s grandchildren’s grandchildren’:

or there are other moments where i know it’s time to charge up and uplift myself with ‘homage to oliver francis’:

i listen to my own music all the time

almost certainly more than anyone else’s music

in recent years i probably average listening to my own tunes ~25-45 minutes per day, sometimes for hours on end

not to mention a lot of singing to myself, chanting, freestyle rapping, omm-ing, voo-ing, babbling incoherently, making animal noises, and so forth

i use my voice a lot

and i find this profoundly healing and useful for dynamically responding to my own real-time energy with complementary soundscapes

i love having a deep ‘wizard’s trunk’ full of rare elixirs i can draw upon in times of need, times of desire, times of child-like fun & inspiration

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vii.

so…

anywho…

this has turned out to be a fascinating post : )

i didn’t know what it was going to be about

i just started writing and followed the natural flow of aliveness

and that felt really good and right

that’s one of the biggest meta-themes playing out for me right now

a reclamation of aliveness

a rediscovery of a deeper, fuller trust in whatever feels truly ALIVE and JUICY in my current process 🥝

sharing and expressing directly from that place of aliveness, as we do within the men’s circles i lead

for a while i’ve been considering creating a container called Circle of Realness or Circle of Aliveness or something wherein i would do a lot of the same type of work that i do with men, but with an intimate mixed group of men/women/folks

this work-play is powerful/useful for inner-child-healing, unlocking creativity, heart-opening, building confidence, finding one’s truth & voice, holistic self-blossoming, identity-level transfiguration, building communication & public speaking skills, authentic relating, intimacy/vulnerability, holding space for oneself, releasing your inner backlog of repressed energies, emergent real-time attunement to a group-field, and much more. feel invited & welcome to reply to this post/email and let me know if this is something you’d be keen to join

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viii.

i’m curious where this reclamation of ALIVENESS is going to lead

it feels connected to my ongoing embodied process of synthesizing the ‘right-hand’ and ‘left-hand’ paths of life & spirituality

for a while after becoming a dad i felt like i couldn’t just ‘follow my bliss’ anymore

i felt like, “i’m an adult now. time to leave childish things in the past. i have responsibilities. i can’t just ‘fly by the seat of my pants’ anymore. time for planning, structure, organization, pragmatism, adult-ing”

that was an important phase

i did have a lot of growing up to do

(and i still do)

i needed to reintegrate a great deal from the more right-hand-path-y Catholic operating system of my ancestors to be able to ‘stay put’ in the pressure cooker of fatherhood/husbandhood and learn to be truly solid, grounded, and reliable in that space

that journey is ongoing and has been one of the most valuable, beautiful initiations of my life

AND at the same time…

i’m now realizing on a *deep* visceral level that i absolutely do NOT need to stop following my JOY and ALIVENESS in life

(note: Rob Hardy’s words have been a Godsend in helping me come to this embodied recognition on a new level recently. shoutout to Rob! i maximally recommend his joyful business-poetic ointment to all creators, artists, and (wannabe) ‘entrepreneurs’)

here’s a key piece of this realization i’m having:

i absolutely and fully want my daughter to know the version of me who is ALIVE and JOYFUL and PLAYFUL and FULLY EXPRESSED. i want her to know the version of me who STAYED ABSOLUTELY TRUE to *my own* CHILD-HEART. for her i want to model a life that is ‘optimized’ for SOUL, ART, JOY, CREATIVITY, ORGANIC SELF-BLOSSOMING, DIVINE CELEBRATION, FAMILY, FRIENDS, NATURE, TRUE PRESENCE, TRUE CONNECTION, INNOCENCE.

i must embody these qualities myself if i wish to show her how to do this

our children learn the most from what we *ARE* — and this cannot be faked

and yes, i also wanna model for her things like adult practicality, groundedness, financial responsibility, ordering one’s life, handling one’s affairs, inner nobility, dignity, humility, care, love, holding space for oneself, feeling one’s feelings, solidity, reliability, a relaxed nervous system, being “slow to anger and rich in kindness,” and much more

there are many things i want to be a living example of—for her. this is the best education i could ever give her

yet, again, when i meditate on my DEATHBED, on the moment i’m leaving this earth—which is one of the absolute most-clarifying things to meditate on…

BY FAR the most important feelings i want to have are:

1. i was truly present & connected with my daughter, wife, mom, dad, sisters, brothers, family, friends, animal-friends, plant friends, God’s natural creation

2. i was a good father, husband, son, grandson, brother, friend, family member, & space-holder who truly cared for others and served them heart-fully

3. i was myself. i lived true. i became real. i was what God made me to be. people knew the real me and we truly connected and loved profoundly

4. i was ALIVE. i really lived. i played and danced and laughed and sang and wept and expressed myself fully and honestly. and i shared this alive full-spectrum humanity with others

5. i showed my daughter and others what it means to always stay young at heart, stay free, stay fluid, stay innocent, and have the courage to live and create from joy

6. i poured the truth of what i am into many soul-artifacts that can outlive me and transmit the essence of my heart and cosmos to others

7. i honored my Creator through my life. i earnestly endeavored to heart-fully transfigure my entire life into an art-work and sanctuary reflecting God’s infinite love, grace, mercy, joy, light, generosity, & child-like innocence

phew, wow, that’s what truly matters

that is true abundance

that was heart-opening and powerful to write

i started crying

i deeply recommend taking the time to write about what you want to feel about your life when you’re on your deathbed

i have regularly contemplated death for many years now, and it brings great clarity and lucidity

i notice in this moment that i also wanna know that i’m leaving earth with my affairs in order. i wanna know my descendants aren’t going to have to ‘clean up my messes’ or ‘pay my debts’ in any way. God-willing i’d like to leave some material inheritance to my family, and more importantly i’d like to have modeled for them (and taught them) how to wisely navigate the material/practical/financial dimension of human life, so i can feel confident they can skillfully handle this domain for themselves

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ix.

i love life, man

i really do

my heart is open in this moment and i love life

i love my family and friends

i love you

i’m feeling tremendous gratitude for Kumankaya and ayahuasca and Christ in this moment

i’m feeling grateful for the Radiant Presence of Divinity

i’m feeling grateful for Apocatastasis and for my deep heart-knowing that all souls shall eventually be reconciled, redeemed, and shall return home to God’s Heaven—where our child-souls abide even now, and shall forever remain

i’m smiling, feeling like it’s fun(ny) to be this wild big-hearted integral Catholic trickster-wizard-mystic-child-man that i’ve somehow discovered myself to be ✝️🧙🏽

this Catholic forest sloth sage is my spirit animal

i love being Jordan, whose essence cannot be said

i love life

life is a gift

thank you, life

thank you, friend, for reading this

i love you.

i believe in you.

i’m proud of you.

thank you.

Amen.

Love,
Jordan

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— an invitation for free souls —

p.s.

i’ve been contemplating on how i can make the paid subscription / membership option here on substack way more valuable & juicy for all of you 🥝

i’m thinking it would be awesome if it felt like a ‘1,000% no-brainer FLIP YES’ for you to hop aboard for $7/month — so i’ve decided i’m gonna do something pretty cool…

from now on, paid subscribers here on substack are going to get full access to JB’s School of Liberation — 12 courses & resources I’ve created over the years to help you live free, create a soul-aligned life/career/business, & become what you truly are

click here to explore everything you’ll get within JB’s School of Liberation

when you become a paid subscriber you’ll get an email with the link (i’ll also put the link below in this email for people who are already paying subscribers)

the normal price for all these courses & resources is $275

so this is a truly wild possibility if i do say so myself : )

for just 7 bucks per month (cancel anytime) you can dive in and explore tons of valuable content i created explaining how i:

• became what i truly am on ever more profound levels

• turned life into a giant playful experiment & endless learning experience

• learned to live free & true & connected to my inner child

• built soul-aligned businesses from a place of aliveness

• escaped the rat race

• quit my last day job in 2015 to create full-time online & IRL

• lived nomadically for a ~decade, traveling to 33 countries

• discovered God directly and learned to deeply trust life

• found deep healing and came to truly love life

• how YOU can apply all these blueprints to your own life

• a whole bunch more awesome stuff

on top of that, i’m going to start artfully ‘dripping’ some of this content to all the paying supporters at the bottom of my emails behind the ol’ ‘paywall’

i’ll sometimes drip you course content (+ new bonus content) that is relevant to the article you just read

this will help you stay activated around the content in the School and help you remember to continue benefitting from it

if that sounds like a ‘FLIP YES’ then you can become a paying member for $7/month here:

it truly means a lot to me when people become paying supporters of my writing. thank you.

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— bonus content for paying supporters: a workshop on following bliss & aliveness —

i’m already gonna kick things off by sharing something really valuable with all paying supporters right now:

A 2.5-Hour Workshop on Following Your Bliss

like i said above, after becoming a dad i wasn’t sure if i could really ‘follow my bliss’ & aliveness in the same way anymore

yet now i’m really deeply realizing that that is not the case

if i do not continue to do what truly makes me come ALIVE, then i cannot share that vibrant aliveness and joy with my daughter or anyone else

so i’m really strongly reintegrating following bliss & aliveness right now

as the great Joseph Campbell put it:

“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls.”

i’m proud of this workshop i made some years ago

there’s a ton of gold in here

on how to live a life that is rooted in following what is truly ALIVE and brings you joy

without further ado, here is the 2.5-hour workshop: